“Your expectations are too high!” “You have no expectations” Your expectations are too low”

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There has been much said about expectations.  From “your expectations are too high” to “you have no expectations” to “your expectations are too low”.

Some become disillusioned when their expectations are not met.  Does that mean their expectations were unrealistic, or simply that the other party involved wasn’t concerned or aiming to meet those stated expectations?

Conversely, what of those who are devoid of expectations, as life has washed them dry, leaving them to believe any expectations they may have could not or would not be met?

Is there a middle ground that fits all?  Or is it incumbent upon the two parties involved in any given situation to hash out what their expectations are and whether they are realistic for both parties?  Must one walk away, realizing they can’t possibly fulfill said expectations, or can the other party live with and acknowledge an attempt at reaching those loftily held hopes by the other(s) involved is acceptable? Must someone participating in the relationship become completely overwhelmed in their attempt?

A presumption by one party that the other(s) will automatically conform or reach their unstated goals for the relationship whether working or personal, is folly in and of itself.  Presume “makes an ass of u and me” and it does.

What of assumptions?  Without speaking your mind, stating your hopes, everyone involved is left in a quandary, left guessing, and thereby open to making a mistake and “assuming” they understand the situation, thereby leaving both parties unfulfilled.  One because their unspoken expectations were left unmet, the other disappointed they haven’t met those expectations, thereby feeling they “missed the mark” and everyone is left  dissatisfied.

A working relationship requires effort, clear communication, respect, dedication, and yes, expectations.  Expectations clearly outlined and a thorough discussion that leaves everyone in a position of understanding, therefore acceptance.  If a party in the relationship doesn’t make any attempt to reach the agreed upon expectations, reevaluate the situation, make sure you can live with the status quo to remain happy.

In hindsight, I realized why our relationship failed.  My expectations weren’t met by Kevin.  He hadn’t tried.  In reality, I’d never really outlined what I expected of him, nor him of me.  We floated, literally, mistakenly, on a cloud of “love”.  The cloud dissipated over time and I was left disillusioned and saddened. It took me awhile to understand that had been the problem, our problem.  We’de parted ways, perhaps because we were too young, too immature, too unaware of the stressors of life, and perhaps we didn’t try hard enough.

Thankfully, our folly hadn’t involved anyone else.  We parted on fairly good terms.  There was no bitterness, hatred, jealousy or revenge involved.  We simply had nothing left to work towards. 

Today was the fateful day.  We were to meet for the first time in over eight years.  I was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner since we were both involved in similar professions.  While Marco was a builder, I was in real estate and our company was contracted to find available land for projects involving mid-level buildings that were designed to encourage entry and lower level professionals to obtain apartments and condos that were available for sale.

I felt both trepidation and excitement.  After all, we hadn’t parted on bad terms, and I wasn’t expecting acrimony of any kind.  Certainly, for my part, I had no bitterness toward our failed partnership.

Speak of the devil, there he is.  I’d spotted him immediately across a crowded lobby.  He looked more attractive, with his tall and fuller build.  He’d obviously been working out.  He was always health conscious, not obsessively so, but he took care of himself eating well and working out daily.

I knew the moment he spotted me.  He turned, faced me, and eyebrows lifted, sending that sexy smile my way as his brown eyes warmed. He headed to me, hand outstretched.  “Ava, lovely to see you again.”

“Marco, you’re looking very fit and happy.”

“I am,  Ava,  very.  This new project purports to be a special one, close to my heart.”

“I remember.”

Marco seemed surprised at my answer as if unsure I’d remember.”

“How is your family?”

“They are well.  Emma and Jason have two little ones and a third on the way.  Gary is finishing college and entering university.”

I laughed, “He still hanging on to your every word?”

Marco laughed, “Yeah, somewhat.”  His following smile was slightly embarassed.

He looked over at me, “I have something to do, but after, would you join me for dinner?”

“I’d like that, Marco.  I won’t be free for a couple hours, say 7:00 at Angelo’s?”

“Sounds good.  I’ll meet you there. I remember how independent you are.  You like having control over coming and going.”

He remembered that.  “Yes, I do.  Although hopefully I’ve grown some and control isn’t quite such an issue.” He seemed surprised.

“And you, as I recall, railed against my independence.  You felt I should be handled with gloves.  Gloves I didn’t require.”

“So, we have both changed, grown.”

“Perhaps our expectations of each other . . .”

“I’m sorry, Ava, I have to go, I’m on a tight schedule today.  But I’d love to continue this discussion over dinner.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”  He reached out and touched my cheek with his fingers an expression of anticipation and perhaps pleasure momentarily lit his eyes and certainly in his tentative touch.

As I walked away I thought, this could be something.  I decided, I’d like that.  From his reaction, perhaps Marco felt the same.  Time would tell.

26 thoughts on “Expectations

        1. In part I suppose. It’s part of “our” failure. I thought the expectations were clear. He changed them without notifying me. Then was unhappy because he didn’t couldn’t wouldn’t cope with responsibility. His or ours. Next time, if ever, I hope whoever wishes to fill the role, will be a “man” not a boy in man’s clothing pretending to be other than what he was. For my part, I should have been aware of that but I wasn’t. When he said what he was where he was going, our lives matched up completely, on every possible level. For me it was real, for him, it was a sham. Hence, “expectations”.

        2. So, I suppose, it is me, and it isn’t. Our relationship was a sham because he purported to be other than he was. Although we’de discussed our expectations, goals, believes, on every subject imaginable, and we meshed or I thought we did, it wasn’t true, not for him anyway.

          1. Yep, basically, a fact of life, but when a “family” is involved, difficult for the children. Thankfully, I never mentioned his “shortcomings” he provided the results all on his own. He sunk his own ship.

          2. Vibrantly pretty. I wished you had a comment button on your page, and it’s odd, it’s difficult to get to your site unless I can find a comment you’ve made that shows up on “Reader”. Is mine as difficult? hmm paws for thought snickers It’s almost halloween and I have a black cat. more paws for thought haha

          3. I’ll go ck in a min for sure. Just got up, not awake yet. I slept in! lol. Lots of trouble with their site. The button for this one locks up and I often have to close the program and re start in order to access it. I don’t see my feed on “Reader” and that locks the entire program up when I go to use it. others having issues and have mentioned them. fb twitter etc not even showing up. so I guess it’s going to take time to fix. Too bad my son doesn’t have access, it’d be fixed in 2 seconds. he’s brilliant with this stuff and explained what’s wrong, swish over my head lol.

    1. I purchased this mat back in May 2011, Good thickness, good traction. Sticky just right. I do yoga 6-7 days a week, and it was working just great. Now it is Aug. 2011, and the mat is starting to shred in the spots where I most frequently have my hafte/nesd. This way to short of time for a mat to be wearing out. I like the thickness, protects my knees, but it’s shredding. It was only around $35, but I have bought cheaper mats before that took a year to show this much wear. I’ll keep using it and start switching off with another mat. I gave it a 2 star because it’s cushy.

  1. I think most of us blame “life” or “fate” or “the government” for not meeting our expectations. We grow up believing that life should be this way or that and when it isn’t, we look for someone or something to blame. Because … it can’t be ME, right?

    As for expectations in relationships, I think they are often the fatal bullet. If you expect a relationship and/or the individual to become someone/something different than you got when you signed on, you are likely doomed to be disappointed. People, I have learned, are not like houses. You can’t buy a fixer upper and do a massive renovation project. You better like the original because no matter how many coats of paint you put on it, that’s what you bought 🙂

    I don’t want to intrude, but reading white lettering on a dark background is difficult for aging eyes. If you are a primarily text-oriented blogger, you might want to consider changing the color scheme. Dark backgrounds are great for photographs, but not so much for text.

    1. I’ll have to find out what I can do. I have exceedingly poor eyesight, bad accident, and I I can’t see gray or white but this is something I can see, don’t ask me why, but I will see what I can do.

      1. It took me a LONG time to find a format that worked for me (I’m still looking). I’m not entirely happy with my current one … and it has to be more than a dozen different templates I’ve tried so far. This one has text spacing issues, but it’s as good as I’ve found so far. Don’t hurry. Just graze through the templates. Maybe something will pop out and say ME ME ME. I could happen 🙂

        1. I just tried a new one, I’m not sure if you can add other, outside templates to worldpress or not, so I found theirs. My son set up the site and I use the control scroll deal in order to read anyone elses sites as I need an inch high writing, which doesn’t leave much room haha but it works have a boo at the new color see if it works. I have to find something to go with my current pic. As I live on an island and we Ferry to the mainland, and I love love love the ocean, I wanted to stick with that theme, so I’ll keep trying find something

          1. I’m pretty sure, unless you want to build a WordPress.org site, which is a lot more complicated than what we are both doing now, you have to use one of their templates. Fortunately, they offer a LOT of templates, most of them free. Some of more amenable to variations and tweaks than others. I look for clear (large) type and plenty of room for photographs, but we each have our own personal reasons why we pick one or another of the templates.

          2. Not really, but I’ll have a look later, little ones are into decorating for halloween, so we’re off to the decorating part of the day. Take care Marilyn, I’ll be back! mwhaha

    1. avenues such as article marketing, your ar0iwles&#823t;cill be posted on a third-party web site and you’ll get almost none of the benefits of this form of altruism. all you’ll be doing is referring readers to those other businesses and organizations.how often should you blog?everyone has a different…

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