This relationship was too damn much work I decided. I’m hauling her around. I feel as though I’m dragging her along by the arm. Let’s do this, try this, go here, travel there, take time for ourselves. It was a constant tug of war and my shoulders arms and back ached with the effort. What the hell was I doing?
We had started off brilliantly, wonderfully in sync, enjoying the same interest including hiking, walking, trips, movies, entertainment. Yet as I contemplated our situation I realized it felt wrong, as though we had branched off somewhere, a divide between us, inexplicably having taken different paths without noticing.
I’d once considered her fascinating, funny even foxy. Yet here I sat on “our” park bench contemplating whether we should go on, could go on.
Talking this out was a must, a certainty. Was she feeling the same warring emotions as I? Had she noticed? Was she pulling away? So many questions requiring answers. Part of me admittedly nervous and uncertain. I really didn’t want to lose her, push her away or alienate her.
Standing I made my decision. We would talk, let the cards fall where they may.