“Unconnected solitary. Whether in a room full of people or by yourself, it can happen.” As I read this I wondered, how in the world could that possibly occur? To have personally felt the depths of loneliness on several occasions to the extent that you felt completely disconnected with anyone? I read on: “Once as as child with an emotionally distant parent who outright said she didn’t want me (my brothers or myself – although I was the only one who knew) I certainly felt the depths of loneliness.”
The story continued and as I sat and read the following: “Later married to a man so solitary he couldn’t be reached, wouldn’t communicate, and I might as well have been alone, for I was, it didn’t become apparent to me until many moons later, that history had indeed repeated itself. Somehow I had chosen a man that was all I had known as a child.”
“Later involved with my children raising them alone, the loneliness had gone. Not just because there was work and school meetings, events etc to take up my time, it had simply vanished when he left. The loneliness had gone. My children were my world,” it said. “Now as an older person, children grown I’m still not lonely. There are so many ways to fill time from reading to chatting in line at the grocery store, to learning something new.”
The story continued and mentioned her grand children and how her daughter had lovingly invited her into their lives and she’d been given the wonderful opportunity of sharing and knowing each one, individually and counted it as the greatest blessing of all and she couldn’t be more pleased or happy.
“So why now am I suddenly the loneliest I have ever been? The ravages of time have taken over and useless legs don’t allow accompanying anyone anywhere. Eyes that no longer see so the thrill of getting out and witnessing the goings on lost on me as the disconnected sounds continue.”
She writes, “I feel I’m the worst burden in the world a responsibility rather than a loved one. I am concerned about asking for anything whether it be a dentist or doctor’s appointment. The daily struggle to get dressed, to look polished as I once did. The pain from old injuries overwhelms at times yet … through it all,” she writes, “she tries to remain calm, be supportive, just give… whether it’s being available, answring questions, offering a personal perspective if wanted, or staying away because someone requires personal space and time to come to terms with their own thoughts emotions relating to their life or work…. when had life become such a struggle?” she asked.
I felt for the woman and wondered if there were a way to get in touch with her. I’d love to get to know her, learn about her life, the highs and lows of it all. I was intrigued and found myself reaching out to see if the author knew the woman personally. For all her works were a collection of other people’s lives and thoughts. I found I wanted to know more! Much more!